


It's Always Him

by flickawhip



Category: BBC Proms RPF, Maestro (TV) RPF, Strictly Come Dancing RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 05:45:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5697256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flickawhip/pseuds/flickawhip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A First Person POV thing. </p><p>Not Real. </p><p>From A Prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Always Him

At first, I'm not sure why I feel so confused. There's sadness, of course, but happiness too... and then I realize. Then I realize what it is. It's him. Something about him makes me feel like I am about to fall. Or turn into liquid. Or burst into flames. It's him. John. My Husband. My life. The man who always makes me feel so happy, so safe. I know I should be sad, and I am, that I have lost something so meaningful to me, that meant a link with my parents, both of them, but I cannot be truly sad, not with him. He loves me, I know it, I don't need to hear him say it, he says it anyway when he wants to, out of nowhere, but he shows me. Every day. Be it a tweet, a direct message, a note, a meal or even just a hug when I most need it. He's always, always been there. Through everything, the good, the bad, the downright ugly and I love him for it. He never seems to question it, he knows I love him and I never have to say it. Of course I do, I tell him as and when I want, no reason needed, but he knows even when I don't. It's impossible to hide how I feel. I wouldn't even try around him. We don't need secrets. Not here, not now and not ever. He is mine and I am his. That is enough, enough that I can tell him what I'm feeling, or that he knows, which he has done. There have been times when I feel like I've lost my way, lost my voice and he's there, loving me. Keeping me safe. Keeping me forever safe. His. I never thought I'd prefer to be at home than out and working, but now work is fun and I am happy, but I am still happiest at home with him. I love him, I love his smile, I love his voice, I love his eyes. He is everything. He has become my world. He is the one who held me when I most needed it, he is the one to always call me back to myself when I need a little help. He understands, he never pushes for anything. I love him. My John. My husband. Mine. Through the girls being born, through all the struggles, his and mine, we have never really struggled to understand each other, even when we fight, or argue. Arguments come from passion and he is passionate, deeply passionate. How could I ever not forgive him for being so passionate, especially when he's mostly passionate about our girls, our sweet Eleanor, our little Nash who is so close to adulthood that it scares me. I trust her of course, I always have, but still, she was my little girl, she always will be, even when she's an adult. John may be passionate about work but if we need him he is always here. That's why. That's why the confusion. Still, I'd rather be confused with him then unhappy without him. He is my life now, he has always been so strong, so steady, even when... well, even after my mother. Even when I didn't quite know how to cope with everything. He was there. John. My John. He was there, holding me, helping me, always understanding and letting me have my time, be it alone or with him. Even now he knows when to be there and when I need space. It's why I love him. He's so strong, so brave and he makes me feel braver. I know even if I fail at whatever I'm attempting to do, he will still be there, loving me.


End file.
